Today is also the 24th day that I worked. I met many obstacles, under stress, and feel useless. I can't even reached the target to go to bangkok. I tried to call all my friends, no matter in biotech, biomed, or even biochem. Finally, only two of them willing to come out for the briefing. I'm was like on cloud nine when they agreed to come out...but things always unexpected. One refused to come out last minute, so I went out to wait for the other one at Station R. I waited the person for 3 hours, he didn't show up. I was so sad because he doesn't even want to pick up my phone. All at once I fell into a state of profound melancholy, I always thought that my charisma and my social skill is good. But today what I found is I am not as good as I thought.
I keep questioning myself, "Am I not important to them?"(This phase is learnt from another friend, haha, don't ask me who he is) This is the second time feel like this. I finally have doubts on my social skills after I changed to be a better man. This is because before all these, when I'm still *young*, my hair still very short, still look sucks, a very honeymoon Form4, I not the Rannie that you all know(only for foundation and degree friends). I am a petty, bad tempered person. Throughout the whole form4, my life was like engulfed in the bleak of darkness, no light able to pass through it. I cried almost everyday in my class, quarrelling with my friends, sleeping during classes, playing truant all the time and self-questioning, "Am I not important?"
I wrote my desk that all my defects that need to be overcome as soon as possible in order to get back to those friends that I treated them very important. I tried not to get angry, not to use my vicious mouth to talk cocks, not show dissatisfy on them and even on my face. I nearly become a people that has no temper, the only thing that I will angry is they say I am a sissy. I hate this word to use on me, this also makes me dislike those people who acts very sissy or a cag(also known as Chao Ah Gua). I finally go through these issues, a big obstacle was eliminated in my life path.
After 3 years, this kind feeling came again. I'm scare that I'll back to those time. No!!! I don't want!!! I hate the old Rannie, go away!!! Stay away from me!!! I don't want you amymore!!! but, Do I Like The Brand New Rannie Now? Nope, I think. My life is messy, not organised. Can't do things well, maybe I'm too self-centered.
But at least, I have a better life now because I have my Laopo, my best friends and my family. Because of them, I still have the strength to walk until now. I hope that this work is a kind of trial and tribulation before I enter social...
At last, Happy Birthday to You, Rannie. Hope you can be a better man...
